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The Gift That Keeps on Taking

I've already shared part of the GMA interview with Michael J. Fox regarding his new book A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Future in my previous blog post, but there was another part of his interview that I loved hearing him talk about.  When George Stephanopoulos (which makes me want to say Snuffaluffagus), asks Michael about his Parkinsons, Michael calls it the "gift that keeps on taking."  Michael goes on to say this...

"I was on a path, a terrific path.  I had a good career and family, but I didn't realize how precious all that was.  It had this huge course change that at first glance was about a loss - but as I learned to sit with it and looked at it, the hole that was created started to fill in with all this amazing stuff.  It's just been this tremendous journey that I wouldn't have embarked on otherwise."

Wow

Some of you reading this may or may not know about a recent diagnosis in Ol' Blue Eyes and my life.  Ol' Blue Eyes was diagnosed back in October with Muscular Tension Dysphonia.  Basically, the muscles in and around his neck and vocal cords tighten so severely that he looses his voice.  Causes?  Stress.  There is no way to consciously relax those muscles, so the only treatment for this is to get Botox injections into the vocal cords.  While we were thankful that this was not something like cancer, we were still sad, shocked, depressed, etc. because there is no cure.  This is something that he will have to manage the rest of his life.  Not having a voice is a disability, and when you go to speak, you get anxiety because you don't know if your voice will be there for you or not.  It was a huge loss to him.  How was he going to work around this?  How would he communicate in meetings?  How? 

So, we scheduled his 1st Botox shot in December.  The down side of the shot is that you totally loose your voice, completely, before you slowly get it back.  Ummm... that's traumatic.  Here you are struggling to hold onto the voice you have left.  Then you get a shot, which is not a fun one, to give you your voice back, and that shot makes you loose what you have completely.  This lasts for a few weeks to a month.  Crazy!

My point in all of this is to say that I loved Michael's perspective.  This was a huge hole for us.  What are we filling it with?  What things/illnesses/issues, etc. have happened in your life that have left a huge hole?  What journey have you embarked on that you never would have before if it weren't for this thing/issue/illness?  What have you filled that hole with?

Well, here's something that I love that has happened out of our journey.  The shot was a success, and Ol' Blue Eyes has been doing well.  His voice does get fatigued time to time, and then he gets real quiet.  This gives us an opportunity to converse with our eyes.  Many times, entire conversations!  Here's a recent one.

Me:  Are you sure you want another brownie?  You haven't even gone to the Town Club in a month?

Yes I'm sure, and I'm going to go in the morning.

That's what you always say.

I know, but I mean it this time.  I'm setting my alarm for in the morning.

I don't believe you.  Why don't you just do yoga with me?

Can I just sit there and watch?  I hate down dog.  If all they did was child's pose, I'd be right there with you.

Ugh!  You need to stretch!  Your whole body is tense!  You need to relax!

I know babe.  I love you.

I love you too.

You wanna cuddle here beside me? 

Yes, I do.  Everything in the world is ok if I just lay on your chest and you hold me.

All is ok if your soft  hair is under my chin and I'm holding you.  I love you babe.

I love you too honey.  We're gonna get through this.  I'm right here with you.

I know babe, I know.

I think I understand what Michael is saying.  I love our eye conversations.  That hole? It's beginning to fill with some great stuff, and taking us on a journey we may have never embarked on. 

Wisdom from Your Children

I was listening to GMA this morning when Michael J. Fox came on to talk about his new book A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Future.  He talked about how when his son was 4 or 5 years old, he was excited about going to school, and somewhere in the conversation he told his son that he never finished school.  So, his son asked CAN you go back and finish school? Michael told him that yes, he could, but that he probably wouldn't at this point in his life.  So his son said, "But if you CAN, why wouldn't you?"  Michael then said, "Wisdom comes from being old enough to know how much you can learn from your children."  I loved that quote!  It resonated with me.  

Just this past week, as I was struggling with some things concerning a relationship in my life, Ol' Blue Eyes and I were talking about it, and I was alittle teary, and he was too.  How to deal with a hurt that we keep opening ourselves up to and get hurt once again.  

Now meet my oldest punk.

About 20 minutes after our conversation ended, my oldest punk, who is 13,  came into the study and gave me profound wisdom concerning the relationship.  Profound!  So profound that I knew at that moment, without a doubt, God had spoken through him and delivered a profound message to me.  Every cell in my body told me that what he said was true, accurate, and loving.  I couldn't speak.  I just welled up with tears because his words just hit me.  You see, for many years we've struggled with this relationship, we've received counseling, we've talked to christian mentors in our lives, we've prayed and cried out to God to show us his way in this.  We've not left a rock unturned.  God has shown us  that these struggles and hurts have been the exact things that have kept us on our knees and grown our faith and helped us understand the truth in James 1:2 "Dear brother and sisters, when troubles come your way, consider it an opportunity for great joy."  Why?  Because this is when God is most present.  

So, I went along, and went onto my bible study Tuesday, and we were studying 2 Timothy 3:1-5.  Godlessness in the last days.  How our trials will be with people and what those characteristics are.  It was honestly not a very positive lesson until about the last 10 minutes when my teacher said, "we are in the worst of times - yes- but we are in the best of times."  Go to Acts 2:17 "In the last days, God says, I will pour out my Spirit on all people.  Your sons and daughters will prophesy, your young men will see visions, your old men will dream dreams."  I just welled up with tears again.  I thought back to my son and his loving, convicting words, and I knew that God had poured His Spirit out, in my study, in that moment.  I'm humbled.  I'm speechless.  I'm prostate.  The fact that I go along in my life, deceived and thinking I 'm powerless when I'm not.  I get caught living the Un-life, and forget that The One, loved me enough to pour out His life to give me the Abundant Life. It's not just for others, it's for me.  He gently shows me, again and again, and I'm left speechless.  Speechless at His gentleness, speechless at His presence, speechless at His love, and speechless at His ability to use various people to speak to me.  I can sum it all up with this... God used His Son to deliver a profound message to the world, and in a moment I will never forget, God used my son to deliver a profound message to me.  I am amazed by His ways.

Spring Break

This year for Spring Break, the Webb Clan decided that we were plum ti-yuuurrrd.  We didn't want to go anywhere.  All of us had been sick the previous 2-3 weeks, so we thought it would be wise to have a "stay-vacation" as my 10 year old put it.  That all seemed like a great idea.  We rented movies and games, and we went out to eat a few times.  Spring Break was going great! 

Now if you think a house of boys is relaxing and calm, you need to understand that boys, especially my boys, are in a constant state of motion.

This is my oldest punk.  He is out in the backyard shooting his bow and arrow.

This is my youngest punk, with the bat.  He is out front playing baseball with the neighborhood gang.

Now at what age these boys stop the constant motion and do this.... I just don't know. 

There seems to be a great need to hold the couch down.  Gravity may let go on this planet earth, and ol' blue eyes will be there to hold the couch down for the family.  Really, he's only thinking of us.

So both boys come in from doing their stuff, and this is what breaks out in my sons bedroom.

That's right, a full blown wrestling match.  Frequently, they clear off the bed, remove items from the walls, and totally go at it in full testosterone fits.

Now keep in mind that my oldest punk is over a foot taller than my youngest, so he quickly gets the upper hand and uses his strength to "smoosh" the youngest into the mattress until he can no longer breathe.

But what he so quickly forgets is that his little brother may be smaller, but he's quick and wiggly and he knows that if he can get big brother to laugh, then he has a chance at winning.

So what does he do, he gets his brother into a giggling fit....and here he goes...off the bed.  Little brother used his wits and small quick moves to defeat his big, strong brother.

And the victory goes to....  the younger brother.  And do you want to know where their father was in the midst of all of this noise and nonsense????

That's right... he's still holdin the couch down.   Isn't this so thoughtful of him?  He's only thinking of us.

I love ol' blue eyes and my punks.

Why Blog?

Ok, my first post was a bit serious, and for those of you who know me, you know that I am really not that serious.  With that said, I thought I would explain why I decided to blog.  Well, there are several reasons, but my primary reason is because I am taking a photography class, and we're supposed to post lots and lots of pic's.  However, another reason, is that I simply have alot to say about alot of inconsequential things...  So, simply put, that is the reason for this blog.

Much Love,  Kel

Significance

 There was a full moon the other night.  I stood outside in awe of the beauty I beheld, then quickly ran inside, grabbed my camera and wondered, "why do I want a picture of this?"  I feel small when I look into the sky.  I wonder, as I did as a little girl, just how far is heaven?  I look around and I see beauty all around me (yes, even in the Texas Panhandle) and I think of how much wonder there will be in heaven.  Is it just me, or have you noticed when your head is only looking forward or down, all you focus on is a bend toward the negative or unpleasant things and you are closed off?  But then you look up, you see things you hadn't seen before.  You have a hope, and an expectation of what's to come and you are open... and you realize how little you really are.  This really got me thinking.  God created all of us with a need to feel significant.  We want to feel like we matter, like we have something to offer.  Initially, I tried to do this by emulating those who I admired, or by being who I thought others wanted me to be.  It never felt authentic, which sent me spinning into tremendous hurt.  Why did I do that?  Because I didn't think what I had to offer had any significance.  So, I searched, prayed, studied, and realized that true love and acceptance waited for me on the other side by the only one who can give it to me.  God created me to be me.  He created me to look up.  Anytime I feel down, I remember Psalm 121:1 "I lift my eyes unto the hills- where does my help come from?  My help comes from the Lord, the Maker of heaven and earth."  He also gave me a mate who continually shows me agape love and desires to see me grow more and more into who I really am.  I realize, who I am, or what I have to offer this world isn't for everyone, but I know I have a purpose, I have talents and gifts, and I have love to offer this world in a way that is unique.  I know God has me in touch with specific people and their lives for a reason, and hopefully I'm doing my part in the way I need to be.  I know I'm flawed,  I know I don't always do what I should or say what I should, but I'm on my journey, and I'm learning so much along the way.  There is only one me, and there is only one you.  So, I challenge you... go outside, look up and feel insignificant for a few moments, and then realize how truly significant you are.  How no one else in this world can play the role that He designed you play.  You are in touch with all the people in your life for a reason. Discover what that purpose is, and begin to fulfill it.   

Photo Specs:
Canon Rebel XSi
ISO 100
AV 5.6
Whitebalance - Automatic
Lens 18mm - 55mm